Wedding Weekend!

Hello faithful readers! I have arrived home safe and sound from the most enjoyable and uplifting weekend! Kyle and Kate's wedding was beautiful, amazing, God-filled - oh man words can not describe how awesome it was! The trip there and home was another story! After being stuck at the Cleveland airport for 8 hours on Friday, Brenna and I finally arrived in Ft. Wayne, IN where Popple Dan and his lovely girlfriend Meghan picked us up! We then headed to Kyle's parents house for a lovely meal and great conversation! There I finally got to meet Mrs. Heimann!! She's so lovely!! I've been dying to meet her, and Kyle said she was eager to meet me! Happiness had by all! After a great night's sleep at the hotel it was time to get ready for the wedding!! We met Kate at the Church around 11:45 AM! Kate looked stunning in her simple, yet elegant wedding dress!! I got to take some great photo's of her and Kyle before the Mass as well! (they are below!) The Mass was so beautiful - the highlight of my trip! After Mass we headed to the Knights of Columbus in Decatur for the reception! Because of the ice storm they had on Friday, the KOC has no electricity!! A generator made it so the sound system worked and a few strings of white Christmas lights! We ate by candle light and danced under christmas lights! It really set a romantic and elegant setting! We ate awesome Taco's from the make your own taco bar!! (yumm taco's - yay I can eat them!!) We danced the night away and it was wonderful to catch up with some of my most favorite people like Cory and Jon and finally meet Meghan and the rest of the Heimann clan!! Brenna and I hung out with the CHWC peeps and PJ (former drummer of Popple) Saturday night back at our hotel! We told stories and sang along with Jon and PJ! An all around great evening that I didn't want to end... but by 2:30 AM I had to go to bed for the early wake up for 8:30 Mass on Sunday! Sunday included morning Mass, a fun and crazy morning at Kyle's house watching some of Kyle's friends from Purdue cook a breakfast of buckwheat pancakes, bacon and eggs!! Then Cory and his lovely girlfriend Marie can to pick us up for head to Kate's parents house for lunch. Another great afternoon spent with the Heimann's and the Stroup's as well as Kate and Kyle! Cory and Marie then drove us to the airport for our flights home (that's a long crazy story about all the airport mix ups for the way home!) We finally arrived home in Boston at 11:00 PM, waited over an hour for luggage to find out it never left Fort Wayne!! Luckily our luggage was lost on the way home!! The luggage arrived yesterday on my doorstep!! It was sad to leave - I think I was the happiest I've been in a long time over the weekend (not saying I am not normally always happy - just super duper happy that weekend!) I hope my life journey puts be back in Decatur, IN again in the future! As I head off for Christmas Eve Mass with my family, I'll leave you to enjoy some pics of the wonderful weekend I've had.....

46 down....

The last 2 days I have spent my afternoons at the lovely Brigham and Women's Hospital at appointments! Yesterday I had my nutritionist and today my surgeon! Both were great appointments! I learned yesterday with Natalie (the nutritionist) about this great website called Fitday (www.fitday.com). It's a free website that you can put in all your food, water, exercise, vitamins, really anything and everything and it tracks it daily for you and best of all - creates these pie charts of what you've eaten (protein, carbs, fat, etc...) I am such a visual person so I know this will help me with trying to figure out if I've had enough protein each day! I also learned that I am getting an "ok" amount of protein everyday (she'd like to see 15-20 more grams) but that I am actually choosing foods that are healthy, yet not the best sources of protein! I also learned some great tricks to eating out and the "safe" range of sugar content for post op patients (although some dump with only 4 grams of sugar in a food and others have no effect.) I will stay within the safe range - and I actually don't miss sugar at all!! WOW - never thought I'd say that! lol! I got to check in with Dr. Lautz today! I have lost another 14 pounds since my last visit 4 weeks ago - I am right on track with weight loss! I have lost 46 pounds total now - and although I can't really see many drastic changes in my body - other people are starting to comment - soon enough I will notice. I also asked my burning question to Dr. Lautz of why I have 10 incisions while others only have 5 or 6?! Dr. Lautz informed me - "you were a difficult case." Why thank you Dr. Lautz, I always like to challenge people! He proceeded to lift my shirt and detail what every incision was made for - lots of camera's, scopes, monitors - some for my stomach, some for my liver, and one tiny needle prick! Dr. Lautz said that many doctors will still do the surgery with only 5 or 6 cuts, but it will prolong the time in the OR to 7 or 8 hours as opposed to the average 3-4. He said that when you make more cuts it reduces the amount of time greatly in difficult patients. Recovery is the same for 5-6 as it is for 10. He did also inform me the most incisions he's ever made was 11 - he made quite the joke as I was a 10! I really do love him - he's such a personable doctor and a wonderful surgeon! I have been cleared to begin follow-ups only every 3 months now until 1 year!! Whoo hooo!! He says I am doing marvelously and to keep up the hard work! On the hard work front - i can't even begin to explain how frustrating and honestly mad I get when my friends and people I know make it out to seem like I took the easy way out by having weight loss surgery. Now I think I am a pretty educated person when it comes to weight loss. I've done it all - weight watchers (3 times), LA Weight Loss, Dieticians, Doctor ordered weight loss, weight loss support groups, NutriSystems, weight loss pills, spent thousands of dollars on health clubs, personal training, The 90 day make-over, Richard Simmons, the AB roller, you name - I probably tried it. I've stumped numerous dietitians and doctors as to why my body wouldn't ever let me lose more than 85 pounds. How I would eat nothing or eat lots of high protein foods and still wouldn't lose. With all those trials and heartache of longing to be thin and healthy it was hard... but this is 10 hundred times harder. I can't explain why really it's hard to put into words really. It's better - yet a whole lot harder. And friends and people telling me to be careful, and that it's not a quick fix, and that a lot of people gain it back - that doesn't make it any easier. I'm not a dummy - I know it's not a quick fix, I know this is a life change, I know that the surgery is just a tool and success comes when I put the tool with life changes. I know all this from reading up on it, doing my research, talking to those who've actually been through the surgery and are living life post-op, talking to my doctor. When people who have no clue what my journey is like right now tell me what I should and need to do when they have not been through the surgery - that's frustrating. I applaud everyone who is losing weight - surgery or no surgery - ALL of it is difficult and a feet in itself! Support is the number one thing I think all those trying to change life habits need - not the "you shoulds" or "be carefuls" or "don't do's." Don't tell people what - support them on their journey. Ok, I'll get off my soap box now!

Off to Indiana for Popple Kyle and Kate's wedding this weekend!! Pray for a miracle that we get out of Boston and into Cleveland and then Ft. Wayne, IN with no weather glitches tomorrow! Pray for Kyle and Kate too!!

Heaven can come in food!!

My most missed food is no longer missed - Rice Cakes!!! Whooo hoooo!!! Since I am on stage 4 I can gradually add back in carbs and since I can not eat bread, the nutritionist said I could try rice cakes, but thought I could have problems with them. So this morning when I couldn't figure out what to eat... I saw the sleeve of rice cake out of the corner of my eye and thought - hhmmm, maybe I'll try. I grabbed a slice of american cheese and plopped the cheese covered Rice Cake in the microwave for a measly 12 seconds and wa la - MY FAVORITE SNACK!! (well it is no longer a snack as I couldn't finish the whole rice cake!!) I began my day a VERY happy camper today!! I took it real slow and made sure I chewed chewed chewed before I swallowed!! YUMMY!! I actually just finished another one with peanut butter since I needed an easy way to get 7 more protein grams in me without cooking meat! I don't think i've ever been more excited for a food in my life!! This is a very fun stage as I basically can eat anything except raw veggies - so it's been fun experimenting! So far so good, I haven't had any problems with new food yet. My only food issues are any kind of egg except cooked over easy or poached and chicken sometimes will "get stuck" if it's not moist enough. I feel really lucky especially after reading more and more on the "Thinner Times" gastric bypass forums. I'm almost 8 weeks out of surgery and I haven't thrown up yet (someone knock on some wood please!)! But I follow my diet and stages to a "T" and don't eat anything I'm not suppose to like sugary foods or high "bad" fat foods and i only sugar free flavored water, decaf tea or milk (no soda, juices, or alcohol)! I get my sweet fix from sugar free popsicles, jello, pudding or creamsicles. The numbers are still dropping slowly so I'll be addressing that with the dietitian on Wednesday at my appointment. But other than that - things are looking up! Oh yea - I went shopping over the weekend to get something to wear to the wedding this weekend (whoo hoo!!) and I DROPPED 2 sizes on the top and 1 pant size!!! :)

Updates!

Hello my faithful readers - so sorry i've left you hanging for so long! I believe updates are in order! First thanks for all your kind words of encouragement and a special thanks to Margo for all the great website resources for support groups - i have not joined them, but reading them has offered great insight, support and relieved some stress! Each day is different - some days I have great days and others I have "woe is me" days - but i've learned - THAT'S NORMAL!! Thanksgiving went well and I got to focus on what Thanksgiving is all about instead of what a lot of people do - the food! I truly enjoyed being with my family and my sister-in-law's family. The nephew was the center of attention that day and it was great to just soak up all the family lovin! I still couldn't snuggle him - but i was able to get on the ground and crawl around and play with him which was great! I finished up my stage 3 diet while in Cleveland at the convention. The Convention it's self was blah, but seeing great friends like Popple and Fiance Kate and CHWCer's like Kelly and Jan was fabulous!! Food was a different story - i think i did more harm than good that week. I started off better but ended not so strong. I drove down with Paula and Jim and brought food with me. Once in Cleveland we found a grocery store and i bought some more to get me through the week. Our hotel was a good 4 or so blocks away from the convention center and all that walking plus all the walking and being on your feet during the day KILLED me. Not to mention I always had a backpack on that carried my food and books... I was in some serious pain most days. I can't even describe what my insides felt like other than awful. Which in turn made me not really feel like eating. We ate out our first night - Me, Jim and Paula went to Houlihans and I had chicken and a potato - $13.95 for me to eat a 1/4 of it! Wednesday night we went to Hard Rock and Popple Dan and I shared Chicken Nacho's - YUMMY!! I ate lots of yogurt and cheese sticks during my week. My chicken cold cuts went bad pretty early on (I don't think my fridge was keeping them cold enough!) So I was pretty low on the protein intake. I tried Tuna Steak for the first time too - YUCK! This is a learning process for me of what I like and what I don't like of all things I can eat! Since being home I've struggled eating again. I know its because I wasn't getting in all I was suppose to last week that my pouch is not really liking any food - but it's a little better each day! I am also back to work this week Part Time, 15-20 hours a week. I came in today for lunch with the staff and the staff meeting. I had watermelon and pineapple for the first time - that was a treat!! I also finally got to satisfy my craving for broccoli tonight with my STEAK dinner - it was good... tastes a little different, but hey my pouch tolerated it so that's a bonus! Other than just working on increasing my calorie and protein intake up to what it's suppose to be (1000 calories and 65 grams of protein - i'm at 700 calories and 35-40 protein) Thanks again for your love and support!! I will be better at updating and blogging now!! PS - Mrs. Heimann I CAN NOT wait to meet you!! I will see you next week!

Woe is Me

I am in a little bit of a funk I believe. I've been in it since Thursday and I can't seem to shake it. Luckily it only comes across to most people as I look like I am very tired - which I am - or that I am not feeling too well - which I am not; BUT - there's more. I'm frustrated. I'm wondering if I made the right decision. I go through every day having very limited to eat, not able to eat things that I'd actually really like to (like seriously I would die to be able to eat a rice cake with cheese melted on it - i know sounds gross, but that's my comfort food!!) I don't feel "normal." I want to be able to do everything I could before the surgery. I'm tired of the weird pain still in my abdomen, I'm tired of setting alarms to tell me what drugs I have to take next, and frankly - i'm tired of being tired. I am also tired of getting on the scale every day and seeing the numbers drop but not noticing it with body changes or even clothes for that matter. I look in the mirror and still see that pre-surgery body, just now with 10 ugly scars all over my stomach. I don't see a 30+ pound lighter/skinnier Kate. I'm frustrated and annoyed that I now am even more difficult to go out with. I mean before going out to eat with friends was always touchy because we'd have to make sure we ate somewhere that had Gluten Free food for me - but usually we always could find a place that I could eat something - even if it was just a salad. Now I know that was frustrating for my friends and family but it never seemed overly a nuisance. Well in just over a week I will be in Ohio with great friends at the National Youth Ministry Conference. We eat out every meal. I've been doing research on area restaurants and eateries so I could scope out menu's now - and seriously there's like 5 places I can eat - not because of Gluten Free - but because of the surgery diet. I hate being the annoying one who can and can not eat at places. I know it frustrates my friends - even though they don't say it - I can see it in body language and faces. I don't blame them - it frustrates me probably even more than them. Did I really make the right decision? Not that there's anything I can do about it now except come to terms with it... I know in the long run I'll be glad I did - but right now - it sucks. Yet I go about each day and smile and tell everyone I am doing great, a little tired and still in some pain - but overall doing really well. Well ya know what? I'm not doing so great - I cry every day, I'm bored, I'm lonely, I miss my kids, I miss my nephew, I miss having energy, I miss being able to go out for a drink with the girls, I miss being able to eat things I really want to eat, I miss being able to go out and not have to worry about what to pack for food, I miss feeling normal....
Hopefully fussin up and telling it like it really is will help me get out of this funk, cause I don't want to feel like this anymore....

For enquiring minds!

I hear enquiring minds want an update since my episode with the awful dumping syndrome! You'll be glad to hear - no more dumping episodes since last weeks - YAY!!! I have more and more energy each day - which is leaving me more and more bored. I've been trying to do one thing fun every day to help with the boredom. On Saturday I went to one of my teens Confirmation, then hung out with The Mortons and then visited with the Scarfo's - it was a very long, yet wonderful day. I was quite tired when I got home and in some pain, but it was worth it! Sunday I slept late and rested most of the day and then got ready and headed to IC in Malden to go to Mass and then to the first night of Illimuna! It was sooo wonderful - everything about it! It was also my first time receiving Communion since surgery. Thankfully Scott was an EM and I asked him before communion if he could break a small piece of the host for me. He was great and broke me the tiniest piece!! It felt really great to be able to receive the Eucharist again - I've missed it these past 3 weeks. Mass was AMAZING (well the music - the priest - he was hard to understand!) Illumina was an awesome hour of adoration with again, GREAT music! I love visiting IC! I loved catching up with Margo and Scott and PJ as well as all the other ICer's who I've come to know and love! Last night I got to visit with a dear friend Luke for a little bit. We met up in Framingham as I needed to go buy another book (I am reading the Twilight Series - WOW - SOOOO GOOD!) So Luke met me at Barnes and Nobles. It was good to catch up and laugh! Today I am headed up for Youth Group tonight - we are having Friends Thanksgiving with them all and I can't wait to share dinner with the teens and adults! So I guess you could say I am busy - I still get really tired and I definitely feel the strain in my core muscles but I can't keep spending day after day on the couch. The hardest struggle food/drink right now is remembering to eat! Hours pass and I forget to eat - whoops! I also struggle with cold drinks (except milk and popsicles). When I drink them it makes my stomach contract and I get this funny funny feeling in my abdomen. This also happens with water - any temp. So I've been drinking more tea, and sugar free hot chocolate as making crystal light. Seems to help, but I have to have room temperature crystal light. Other than those small things - everything is GREAT!

Dumping Syndrome

Well I spoke too soon. Everythings been going so well on the recovery and eating food front, I knew it was too good to be true. Today began like all other days - awaking around 11:30 AM (ok that's a little later than most days, but i have nothing to do so I am taking advantage of getting plenty of sleep!) Per recommendations from the dietitian yesterday, I began my day with 8oz of tea instead of eating right away. I was done with my tea at 12:30, which meant I could eat at 1PM. At 1 I made myself a scrambled egg and 1/2 banana mashed. I could only eat the egg. At 2:15 I drank 4 oz of water and had myself a sugar free popsicle (another recommendation from the dietitian to increase my liquids cause I am struggling with that.) At 3:15 I had a 2oz light string cheese and the banana from breakfast. I finished it all. From 4:45 - 5:30 I nursed about 6oz of water - a feat in itself as I was not feeling like drinking. At 6:15, while talking to a dear friend, I served myself some egg salad (made with light mayo - which is on the ok to eat list) which I made last night - 2 oz to be exact. Then it happened - officially at 6:48 PM - Dumping Syndrome - and yes it is as bad if not worse than it sounds. Lets give you the details on what I was given on what Dumping Syndrome is:
"Dumping syndrome occurs in many gastric bypass patients when sweet foods or foods high in fat like juice, soda, sugar sweetened beverages, cakes, cookies, and pies are eaten. The food passes too quickly into the small intestine and causes symptoms such as: nausea or queasiness, a sense of fullness accompanied by discomfort, cramping, diarrhea, general weakness, profuse sweating, vomiting and heart palpitations. Most patients experience a combination of these symptoms. Usually the symptoms will subside in about an hour. Most patients find the symptoms are alleviated after they lie down for a while. Dumping syndrome is not dangerous, but it is quite unpleasant."
Sounds fun doesn't it?! Now although I didn't eat anything high in sugar, the doctor also said you can get dumping syndrome when your stomach doesn't like what you've put in it. My combination of symptoms were nausea, sense of fullness accompanied by discomfort, weakness, profuse sweating and heart palpitations. It was pure misery for, you guessed it - exactly 1 hour. Now when I would eat gluten pre-surgery I had very unpleasant side effects - i hated it - however - this was WORSE!!!! It sucked. I never want to eat egg salad again!

On happier and more pleasant notes - I had my post op appointments yesterday and I am doing really well. I've lost 17 pounds since surgery, and a total of 29.3 since my very 1st weigh in - which Dr. Lautz told me is 19.8% of my excess body weight. He says that most people lose about 60-70% of their excess body weight 1 year post op - he says I am doing well and well on my way to that goal! My incisions are healing very nicely - all 10 of them!! And I am moving well through the food stages. He'll see me again in 5 weeks for another follow-up appointment. After that appointment, I went back to the waiting area to wait for my 3:00 dietitian appointment. That took forever - the waiting I mean. Everyone was behind - thank goodness for Joy and Chip Agule (friends) to come into the waiting area for an appointment they had with a different doc - they killed much of my waiting time catching up and hearing all about Jenna in Africa!! FINALLY at 4:30 I was taken in to see Sari (the RD). She had many questions for me, and I of her. As I won't see her again for 5 weeks - I had numerous questions about traveling on Stage 3 and transitioning into Stage 4 (scheduled right smack in the middle of the National Youth ministers Convention!) I have homework before I leave for OH of going to dinner at a restaurant to test run eating out. Thankfully I am driving with Jim and Paula and that at the hotel I was able to reserve a mini fridge for the room. I will be able to bring food and shop for food to have safe foods with me all week. The last thing i would want is to have this awful Dumping Syndrome while I am away!! All in all it was a great day and lots of helpful information!

FOOD!!! :)

YAY!!! I can eat!!! My whole day was full of scrumptious food! I woke up and made myself 1 scrambled egg, and a 1/2 cup of all natural no sugar added apple sauce. I ate the whole egg and a 1/4 of the apple sauce - but then I was too full to eat anymore. 2 hours later I had to eat again (they say eat even if you're not hungry to get yourself on a schedule) and I had a 2 oz light string cheese. Then 2 hours later it was 2 oz of turkey deli meat and 1/2 cup of mashed pears. I couldn't bring myself to eat anything for the afternoon snack - I am stuffed. Dinner was 2 oz of dark meat chicken and 1/2 cup of mashed potato's. I had about 3/4 of my chicken and only 1/2 of the mashed potato's. I still have 4 oz of yogurt to go... uugghh... boy am I stuffed! It's really wild to see how little food is on my plate - but I can barely finish what is there. Full sensations are different now too - it's not a full belly, feeling like before - it's a sharp pain between my shoulder blades or under my chest bone. It takes me over an hour to eat - I have to chew each small bite (no larger than a pencil eraser) until it is paste/liquid in my mouth. I'm learning to savor all the flavors - but it can be tedious and tiring. But it has been WONDERFUL to not have a protein shake today!! :) I need to work on the water intake. In between each meal I am supposed to have 8 oz of clear liquids. This is a challenge however because it takes me about 45-60 minutes to drink 8 oz. I also can not drink 30 minutes before I eat or after I eat - this makes getting my fluids in quite tricky!



On other fronts, my energy is back!! Just ask Paula and Fr. Matt and my kids from LIFT last night!! That's the number one thing people have been commenting on! I do feel 100 times better. I still get tired very easily, and my stomach still hurts if I do too much (like last night - PAINFUL!) But, I have color back and my spunkyness is returning! I have begun to notice little changes in my body... like my face is thinning out, and I am definitely losing some of my boobs - man - always the first to go. My jeans were a little bigger on me last night. But nothing huge yet. I am sure as the weeks pass I will notice more and more. But people tell me I look awesome - so that must be a good thing! I had an event filled weekend and beginning to this week. We had my most adorable nephew all weekend. I spent all day saturday playing with him on the floor and feeding him his meals. Killer not to be able to pick him up - especially when he crawls over to your legs and pulls himself up and bounces and wines telling you he wants to be picked up... that's hard. But I got to sit on the floor and "hold" him in my lap, or sit and feed him his bottle - which was nice. He was very snuggly with me too! Mom and I took him to the Natick Mall to buy his Mommy birthday presents and we had to take a side trip to Toys R Us to get him a fun new toy!! Needless to say - I was EXHAUSTED by the end of the day. Sunday I was useless. Mom brought Cam into my room at 11AM to wake me up!! I sat like a lump on a log all day - soooo lethargic. Whoops!! Monday I did basically nothing all day to rest up for Tuesday, where I went to LIFT! Soooo great to see my kids and Lisa and Jeaninne! I miss everyone terribly. Paula was there too- and it was awesome and fun to hang with her after and catch up and laugh and talk. LIFT does just that to me - it always has a way of Lifting me up! Today was full of resting and eating and then a lovely visit with 2 special people, Natalie and Astrid. It was WONDERFUL! Tomorrow brings my 1st post op appointment with my surgeon and a meeting with Natalie, my dietitian. I am excited to see what the "real" scale reads and to see how I am progressing. I have many Celiac Disease related questions so the timing is perfect! So far no bad side effects or symptoms or reactions to things. I am off to eat my yogurt, take some meds, and watch the new season of Top Chef!! Here is a picture from the weekend of me and the love of my life - Cameron John!

AAAHHHH!!!!

I SLEPT IN MY OWN BED LAST NIGHT!!! Whooo hoooo!!! I also drove today!! It's been a good day, well really good 24 hours! 4 of my teens visited me yesterday afternoon and while it hurts to laugh - we had a good couple hours of laughter, catching up, hearing about school and youth ministry meetings and events. It was a great visit and one I really needed! I miss the teens big time and seeing some that are the cornerstones of St. John's was such a great treat! It just makes me miss everyone that much more. After 2 nights of the bed in the living room collapsing (it's my old twin and like 25 years old) I decided it was time to head to my room. What a night of sleep I got! I slept straight through and never woke up, and I was able to sleep on not just my left side, but my right as well!! I love my bed!! :) Today was a good day, I am getting a little more energy - I get urges of things I want to do - but I still do get pretty tired really quickly. For example, I woke up this morning and looked at my pig-sty of my bedroom and thought "I really want to clean this and organize, and rearrange it!!" Now that's a big thing - I HATE to clean and organize - so to want to do this - that's huge! I also had big urges to take my dog for a big long walk. I did take him out and we walked down to the club house - but I was tired tired on the way back - so long walks are not in my near future right now! Tonight I took my car and went to the store (not alone - mom wouldn't let me go alone - she wanted to make sure i could drive safely!!). I was out of sugar free Popsicles so we went to the grocery store. Popsicles are very easy ways for me to get some of my 56 fluid ounces! Mom says I am free to drive on my own now too after our little jaunt to the store! Things are looking up!! 4 more days until real food and I can not wait!! We'll see how my energy is this weekend, we have my nephew all weekend. I can now sit on the floor too and get up without too much pain - so I can at least interact with Cam at his level! I've taken advantage of my time at home to work on my Commodore Status with Cunard Cruise Line and to take my refresher courses with Princess Cruise Line. I am almost done with my Commodore Status and can't wait to graduate and receive my FREE Graduation Cruise on either the Queen Mary 2 or Queen Victoria!! A cruise would be great right about now!!! Some of you have asked when I would begin putting up "After" pictures... I will do this soon, I promise!!

No Energy

Today is officially "post op day 9." With bariatric surgery they number all of your days up to day 66. It technically has been 10 days since surgery - but they don't count the day of surgery as a day. The number of day I am on tells me which stage of food progression I am in.

Post Op Day 1 - Stage 1 - clear liquids only (i did this in the hospital)
Post Op days 2-15 - Stage 2 - Liquid only - protein shakes - I am currently in this stage
Post Op days 16-37 - Stage 3 - Toddler Diet - smooth, pureed, diced foods
Post Op days 38-65 - Stage 4 - reduced calorie solids (really everything except salad)
Post Op days 66 and on - Stage 5 - Ongoing diet (I can have salad now!)

I am getting excited to move onto stage 3. I am getting pretty sick of protein shakes. I'm still not really hungry - but I do think I might feel better if I could eat real food. I also get to begin my multi vitamin and calcium at this stage - so I think in all I will have more energy and begin to feel more normal.

I've had a rough couple of days. Beginning Sunday afternoon is when I first began to feel kinda blah. I would go through phases of nausea and hot flashes and breaking out in sweats. Then I would be cold or just feel fine. Monday I woke up feeling much better. I felt up to going to the store to buy a birthday card and small gift for Kathleen's birthday. I took a shower, went to the store and then Dad took me to Kathleen's work (my former place of employment) to bring her gift to her. She stepped out of her meeting for a little bit and we stood in the lobby and chatted. I ran into some friends I worked with I hadn't seen in a while so that was nice. I popped my head into the daycare before I left and said hi to Nolan and Calleigh (kathleen's kids) before we left. I did a lot of standing and walking. While we were really only out of the house for 45 - 60 minutes I was really tired when I got home. By dinner time, I felt like crap. The majority of pain that I had been feeling up until now was mainly muscle pain - it is only when I move quickly or switch positions sleeping that I feel pulling and tugging. But tonight I began to feel a different, non-muscular, pain. The only way to describe it is as a burning pain. It's not excruciating - just constant. So I took my pain meds and went to bed, hoping a really good night of sleep would make me feel much better by morning. Yesterday I still felt very blah - so blah that I really didn't even want to talk on the phone to anyone. I had absolutely no energy. I woke up around 9 and by 9:30 I was back asleep. I spent all day lounging in the recliner only getting up to go to the bathroom or get a drink. I can't really explain the blah feeling - just not myself. I had a really hard time sleeping last night. I fell asleep finally around midnight, but woke up at 2 AM just not able to get in a comfortable position and in some pain. So I got up and took pain meds and moved to the recliner to see if that helped. I finally fell asleep around 3 AM and slept until 9:30 this morning. I am still not feeling quite right. I am beginning to think it has to do with the diet I am on. As my stomach heals enough to begin to process food next week, I only can take in protein - I have no other nutrients that my body is receiving. I am working extra hard today to get all of my protein and all of my other fluids in and see if that helps make me feel better. Next Wednesday can't come soon enough!

56 ounces?!

My liquid diet consists of drinking 40 ounces of carnation instant breakfast protein shakes and 16 ounces or more of clear liquids each day. Really that's only 7 eight ounce glasses in 24 hours. Most people drink more than that in one day. This is REALLY REALLY hard. I have been on this stage diet since Wednesday and although they said the first few days I wouldn't be able to drink that much I would shortly after. Well, it's Sunday night and I haven't even hit 40 ounces yet today. I have greatly increased my intake since Thursday - 26 ounces on Thursday, 29 ounces on Friday, 37 ounces on Saturday and so far 36 ounces today (and I still have one more protein shake to go.) I NEVER feel hungry... which is good in once sense... but it makes it really hard to make yourself eat. I would say that is one of my top 3 struggles so far since surgery.
1. My whole world revolves around when to eat, what to eat
2. How dependent I am on others due to my tiredness
3. My lack of feeling hunger pains/full pains

All three of these struggles intertwine with each other - they effect each other and really sometimes are the domino effect of one of them.

I literally have to set alarms on my cell phone to go off every 3 hours to tell me it's time for another protein shake. I begin my days at 8 AM. So I have shakes at 8, 11, 2, 5, and 8PM. Now in between each of these times I also must get in another 16 or more clear fluid ounces prior to bed at night. BUT, I can't drink those 30 minutes before or after I've had a protein shake. Once I begin real food I won't be able to drink 30 minutes before or after I've eaten. This can stretch the stomach too much, expand the food I am eating and cause a blockage, and/or fill me up and then I am not getting enough nutrients from lack of proper food intake. Eating 8 ounces of a protein shake takes me 1 hour. I can't drink more than 2 ounces in 15 minutes or I get really nauseous and have pain in between my shoulder blades (they say this is a sign of being full.) The 8 and 11 are typically easier to get all 8 ounces down, the 2 is good up to the last 2 ounces, the 5 is killer - usually after 4 ounces I am dying and I have yet to drink more than 2 ounces at the 8 PM. I am super tired right now too. When I wake up in the morning, I have the most energy - but within 30 minutes it's gone. The more tired I get, the more pain I seem to be in, which means the harder it is to get up and move around. Yet, I am supposed to be taking several short walks a day - I am counting walks around the house as short walks!! Today I felt like I had taken a 90 minute super intense aerobic class after my shower. I had to go downstairs to my room to get clothes, come back up stairs to the main level. I took a 5 minute rest once back upstairs, then went upstairs to the 3rd floor to the bathroom to take a shower. I took my shower (which now takes a good 10 minutes cause I can't move quickly.) After the shower then I had to dry off and get dressed, brush my hair and stuff. Then back down stairs. Whew! I was dripping in sweat and very out of breath after my shower. I can't bend over to put on socks or shoes so that's frustrating that mom or dad have to do that for me. If I recline back too far in the chair, someone has to help me up, I can't carry anything over 5 pounds, and on top of all of this, I am sleeping in the living room right now (since stairs are killer and I am up 3-5 times a night to go to the bathroom) I HAVE NO ALONE KATE TIME!!! The living room is where mom and dad hang out, and is now my "bedroom" too. I love my parents, and they are doing LOTS for me - but seriously - I need to be able to do stairs soon! lol!

I know a lot of these struggles will get better as I recover - but I like to be independent, and having to rely on others for most everything right now - that's been really hard. I do feel a little better with each day. I have finally begun to get rid of a lot of the gas from my abdomen - which makes you feel a whole lot better! I've had some great visitors (although it's crazy how tired I get after visiting for even a short amount of time!) Wonderful people calling and checking up on me, the kids texting me... it's all be great! I don't miss work, really it's not like I've left - I get daily updates anyways. But I miss the teens and the people....

Oh yeah - I've also lost 10.5 pounds since coming home from the hospital!

Time for a protein shake..... :)

The Surgery

Well it's been 4 days since surgery and I am home from the hospital. I actually got home around 7PM on Wednesday night. Everything went very well, says the doctors. I however am in some pain and taking it very easy and slow at home. These past few days have been interesting to say the least!



Monday morning came, and I woke up at 6:30 AM to be able to take a shower, since I wouldn't be able to until I got home. I also had to shower with this antibacterial scrub they gave me at my pre-op evaluation. My Mom, Dad and I left the house just before 7:30 AM to get into Brigham's by 9:00 AM. Traffic was bad and we arrived just at the clock turned to 9:00 AM. After we valeted the car, we went into the Hospital and went to the admitting office. There I waited to be called in by an admitting nurse, tagged all my luggage, got my hospital wrist band and handed over my health care proxy and living will. We then waited for the "real nurse" to come get us to bring us to pre-op. Once she finally came we walked down into the bowels of the hospital and checked in at pre-op. There I met my surgical team, first the Fellow, Dr. Fitzgerald who would be assisting Dr. Lautz - she was wicked sweet. Then my anesthesiologist, he checked out my veins and tried to start and IV. My arms were cold and I was dehydrated, so he wrapped my arms with hot wet towels and then in warm blankets for about 10 min. During that time, my surgeon came in as well as my 2 operation room nurses. The anesthesiologist came back, found a good vein in my right arm on the bottom and began an IV. He hooked me up to sugar water, and a pepcid drip for my heartburn. About 20 min later I was being wheeled into the operating room. I was wide awake for this! I moved onto the table, and they placed the leg pumps on my legs (these are to keep the blood flowing while I lay on the table.) They also gave me a shot of Heprin to thin my blood. Then off to sleep I went. I woke up in the operating room at the end of surgery - I remember the tube coming out - but I was so drugged up it didn't really bother me! Recovery was rough - at one point my heart rate was 27 - not so good. I had a drainage tube coming out of my nose - didn't know this prior to surgery. This remained there until Tuesday AM. I also had my catheter. Mom and Dad got to see me in recovery for a little bit. I was in post op recovery for about 4.5 hours. I got moved to my room around 7PM. There mom and dad hung out with me until about 11 PM. I had a pain med drip where I could press a button to give my self pain meds - that was WONDERFUL! I had some kind of an allergic reaction to the tape they put over my eyes while in surgery so I had to see a doctor and get special drops in my eyes Monday night. They wake you up like every 2 hours for vital signs. I was also pretty nauseous - but they have great drugs for that too!



Tuesday AM I was brought down for an Upper GI around 8:00 AM. Everything looked great here - and they got to take my NGT Tube out of my nose - that was unpleasant. Once back in my room I got to also get my catheter removed as well. Then it was on to drinking clear liquids. They gave me a 1 ounce medicine cup to drink out of. Their goal for me was 2 oz an hour... doesn't sound like a lot - but boy was that hard! If I swallowed any more than 1/2 an ounce - it hurt. Around 11 AM, Kathleen came in to spend the day with me. Mom had meetings and Dad had jury duty - so Kathleen too the day shift! I felt bad because I was very out of it and groggy most of the day. Around noon, Jim and Paula came in - again felt bad - as i kept falling asleep during conversations! But it was great to see them! I had a little quieter afternoon. Mom and Dad arrived around 3:30 and Dave Cronin came in shortly there after. Around 4 ish Kathleen and Dave left and around 7 ish Kristina came in. In between there the nurses had me up and walking around trying to get things moving. They have to pump up your abdomen with lots of air so there's lots of gas pressure in my stomach. My brother, sister-in-law and nephew came in around 7:30 and stayed for a little bit. Everyone, including mom and dad left by 8:30 and I went to sleep for the night. I was very very tired. I again was woken up every couple hours or so, and the residents do their rounds at like 2:30 in the morning. I was again pretty nauseous in the middle of the night - I think it was from lying down and getting up too quickly! My overnight nurse was great and always really sweet!

Wednesday morning arrived along with a tray from food service with fat free milk, chicken broth, carnation instant breakfast packet, a bottle of water and Jello! The nurse came in and said that as long as I tolerate the protein shake well - I can go home around lunch! They took my off of my IV this morning too! I could barely swallow 2 oz of the protein shake - they are even thicker than just water. No chicken broth or jello for me! I tried some more water too a little while later - I just wasn't hungry or thirsty. Around 9 AM Dr. Lautz came in, checked out my incisions and listened to my belly sounds. And said I was good to go home as long as the nurses say so. So I called mom and she planned on coming in around 11 AM. Noon came and went, and I hadn't been cleared yet... the problem being I had really only taken in about 4 oz of liquid all morning and that wasn't enough to let me go home just yet. So they told me I had to drink a WHOLE bottle (16 oz) of water before they'd let me home. The problem with that - I can't drink more than 4 ounces an hour because I could stretch my stomach. So I didn't get cleared to go home until 5:30 PM. They gave me more pain meds for the ride home and my wheelchair arrived and off we went. The car ride home was BRUTAL - boston roads SUCK - too bumpy. I spent most of the car ride home moaning in excruciating pain. Mom brought me right home and sent Dad out with my 8 prescriptions to be filled to the pharmacy!

So far since being at home, I am definitely getting much more uninterrupted rest. I only wake up 1-2 times a night to go to the bathroom. I've finally been able to pass some of this gas... that's the worst of the pain. The pain meds are good, but only take the edge off and make me sleepy! I have gotten myself up to 4-5 oz of a protein shake an hour which is good! I am still not up to par on what I should be taking in for liquid a day (a minimum of 56 ounces - I am around 40 right now.) I have had to set alarms on my phone to remind me to "eat" a protein shake or drink water every hour. I am much more tired today because I haven't slept as much do to all of this scheduled eating! Kathleen came by with the kiddo's in the costumes today - Nolan - Speed Racer and Calleigh - a candy corn! We are off to Arlington tonight to visit the nephew and see him - he has two costumes so not sure if we'll see him as a Lion or as a shark! However I am not looking forward to the car ride - I am delaying taking my pain meds until about 30 minutes before we leave!

Thanks for the continued prayers and thoughts and support! I will continue to blog my recovery and the details soon! Right now I am going to head to take a quick 45 min nap and then shower before heading out! Happy Halloween!!

12 hours and counting....

W.O.W!!!! I have no words to fully describe what tonight has been like. Such a powerful blessing has been bestowed on me. A few weeks ago Fr. Paul and I were talking about the Anointing of the Sick and talking about my surgery. Originally I was going to go into Braintree to have lunch with Fr. Matt, go to the noon Mass and have Fr. Matt anoint me after. But I completely spaced about that and those plans fell through. So Fr. Paul said yes to anointing me when I asked him. It's kinda funny how everything works out - originally I was VERY against Fr. Paul doing this - he is also know as Fr. Death - as almost 100% of the people he anoints die. But Fr. Ventura was away this weekend - so it left me with no other choice - and honestly it couldn't have been any better. Fr. Paul offered if I would like it done during the 5:00 PM Mass. He also offered to have the teenagers involved in some way. I agreed, not really knowing exactly how this would play out. So tonight I head over for Mass around 4:30 to train a new Eucharistic Minister. The church got very full very quickly. After the homily and prayers of the faithful, Fr. Paul called me upfront for my anointing. He also at this time invited all the young people to come up and surround me. He explained what he was going to be doing. After the beginning prayer, he invited all of the teens and then also the congregation to extend their hands over me and pray with Fr. Paul. Fr. Paul anointed my head and my hands and said the prayer. WOW - it was more powerful than I every anticipated. Now I really have not been emotional at all about everything, well that was up until this point. When I saw the numbers of teenagers that had come to Mass and came forward when Fr. Paul invited them - i was very humbled. There were over a hundred teens there - many of whom specifically came for this. The tears streamed down my face during the anointing, and most of the rest of Mass.... even now just thinking about it. I couldn't have asked for a better way to leave and be sent on my way for surgery... with the love, prayers and support of my parish family - and all of my teens that I love so much.

I am getting finishing up all the last minute things at the office right now... I am leaving everything in very capable hands! I think I've thought of everything that could possibly come up - but I am sure there will be things I didn't think of!! My office is clean (miraculously!! lol!) My e-mail away message is on, my voicemail is changed... it's time to walk out the doors. Part of me thinks that if I just stay here - tomorrow morning won't come.... I am excited and scared to death all at the same time. But with all of the prayers and support that I know I have rooting for me - I am actually beginning to believe I will be fine.

Until I return home from the hospital.....

Are you ready?

How is one suppose to answer that question? By far the most asked question of me this week has been "Are you ready?" I'm not really sure how to answer that question. I could answer it as am I ready to take a leave from my job? Yes and No. I am ready to have a break and get to step back and take the birds eye view and watch the seeds that have been planted begin to grow. But no because I truly am going to miss everyone and everything. I am going to miss out on memories being made and inside jokes. The highlight of each week is seeing the teens at Masses on Sundays, stopping by my office or at an event. 6 - 8 weeks of none of that is a lot of time. I am really going to miss them. I am also very much not done doing everything that needs to get done around work before I leave. I swear, every one thing I cross off of my list, I find another 2 or 3 that need to be added. I was stressing out about all the College recommendations that need to be written - but I am saving those for my recovery time - I'll need lots of things to keep me busy with! The other way to take that question of am i ready is, "am I ready physically?" Well, I suppose yes. I have passed all the pre-surgery medical testing, been following my diet, losing weight, drinking loads of water, had my flu shot, getting sleep - so I would say yes my body is as ready as it ever will be for surgery. And if asking that question means "Am I ready emotionally?" hhmmm... that's a tough one to give a straight answer for. Some days yes, and others no - actually those answers can change hourly for me. I honestly haven't spent a whole lot of time with the emotional side of this all. I've got all the logistics covered, I know exactly what will happen when before, during and after surgery. I know all the medical lingo. But I have NO CLUE emotionally how to prepare for this. I am so happy to think about the future a lot.... cute new clothes, a new body, more energy, I can do things that I can't or struggle doing now that I love (like riding roller coasters or really most theme park rides, playing sports, flying on a plane comfortably, etc...) but I am sad to lose a lot of me... this body I have now... it's been through everything with me - good, bad, ups and downs, all of my memories - whether in my mind or in pictures - has this body. Really this body and a lot about me - has made me who I am. A lot of my "faith journey" has been because of the struggles in my life because of my weight. A new body - kinda scares me and excites me all at the same time. I guess it's kinda like grieving a lost friend. I've been able to hide as well as blame a lot of "me" behind this large body of mine. When it's gone - there's no place to hide, nothing to blame. I also know that just because I have a new, skinnier body - the hurt and emotional pain and struggles will still be there - they don't disappear with the body. So am I emotionally ready - heck no! But I don't think anyone who is about to lose a part of who defines them is ever emotionally ready. I know that this is a long journey I have just begun... not only a long journey of learning to eat a different way, and a journey of a new body - but also a journey of finding the "real true Kate" that's hidden underneath.

Confirmation and last pictures of "before Kate"

Confirmation Class
Presenting the Candidates

Fr. Coyle during the Homily

Connor

Sam

The weekend was crazy yet wonderful! We had my nephew all weekend, which was a blast! It was a lot of fun to hang out with him and play all weekend with him and Gram and Pa! Sunday was full of lots of joy! It was Confirmation at St. John's - by far a highlight of my 4 years there so far! Fr. Coyle, the new Episcopal Vicar of the Merrimack Valley, was the Celebrant - and he was GREAT! This years Confirmation class is just outstanding. 3/4 of them are involved in some way in the parish, whether a Liturgical Minister, a Peer Minister, or an active participant in Youth Ministry happenings. It was a bitter sweet day for me, I was so happy and excited for each of the 48 teens being Confirmed (very small class this year - and only 12 of them are girls - rest are boys!!) but I was also sad because I don't have set days and times that I am guaranteed to see each of them again. I know most will stay active and involved - which makes me happy too!

The diet is going well... not so hungry anymore... which is a good thing. I am however VERY tired of Salad... I was very excited for a hot cooked meal on Friday night and Saturday night at home. Dad made me chicken on Friday night with steamed broccoli and carrots, and on Saturday he made a pork loin roast with steamed broccoli and carrots! I LOVED them both - it was a great change from salad! Salad is just easier when I am at work - no cooking involved!

I have been occasionally have VERY red, itchy, hot cheeks over the last 10 days or so. That is how I typically react when I am having a mild allergy to something I have eaten. I was racking my brain trying to figure out what, of the little I am eating, is causing a reaction. The shakes are Gluten free, water - nope, banana's - nope, apples - nope, pineapples - nope, hhmmm - what could it be?? It dawned on me last night as I again had hot, itchy, red cheeks, that I had a strawberry protein shake in the afternoon.... and the dummy that I am - I have a Red Dye 40 allergy and well those shakes have red dye 40 in them! Mystery solved - but a bummer - cause the strawberry ones are quite tasty!! Oh well I will survive!

On other fronts, I had my yearly physical with my Primary Care Physician on Monday. I think she might be more excited than I am about the surgery. The other crazy thing is I lost another 7.3 pounds since last Thursday!!! Which is a total of 21 pounds since late August. Mind boggling... I really beginning to think the scales are off! I got my flu shot as well. Dr. Taylor said that in her experience her patients that have had Gastric Bypass usually have some complications that has them in and out of the hospital a couple times after surgery (what?? Dr. Lautz didn't say anything like that??!!! - I am praying she is wrong!) I am looking forward to my cholesterol levels dropping, my thyroid regulating, and seeing the numbers dropping!

I did wake up on Monday morning and realized I could go back to sleep for another hour or so before I had to get up for work! As I was laying in bed trying to go back to sleep it dawned on me that exactly a week from this time I would be in the hospital already getting ready for the surgery.... then the nerves REALLY set in. Once I did fall asleep - I had some of the most wacked out dreams I've had in a long time! Dreams of waking up during surgery, the doctor leaving surgical instruments in my stomach, having a creepy room-mate post surgery... really all of my worst nightmares coming true! The funny and wacky part of it all was that the people in my dreams were friends... Jamie Cappetta (a youth ministry friend) - my surgeon; Brian Reinhart (my CHWC Camp Director) was the creepy room-mate - who I might add had a bar tongue ring horizontally across the tip of his tongue!, Margo (youth ministry friend) was a nurse in the OR, some of my teens from St. John's where walking in the hallways as nurses and doctors... really it was just creepy! lol! I hope that this is just a reassurance that everything is NOT going to go like I dream - since really - dreams don't really come true too often!!

Answers and updates

After spending over 5 hours at the hospital today, I have been poked, prodded, and cleared for surgery! My first appointment was with Dr. Lautz, have I said how much I love him??!! He was only 30 min behind schedule today - that was a bonus! Mom was slightly irritable this morning - as she wasn't getting work done today cause she was with me... but that's a whole other issue! lol! I began my appointment with uplifting news! Since my last appointment with Dr. Lautz in late August, I've lost 13.7 pounds - without even trying!! How about that?! Probably most of it has come off since Monday since I am eating only 900 calories a day! lol! It was a cool thought to think that I'll be losing big numbers like that every time I come in for appointments now! Dr. Lautz came in and greeted us and introduced himself to my mom. He saw my list of questions and made a little joke about it then told me to shoot away at them! So all you who have been waiting for answers here they are:

Can I receive Eucharist before and after surgery? Yes to before, no until 3 weeks after surgery. Slightly a bummer - but Jesus will understand!

When can I drive? As soon as I am off of narcotics! Whoo hoo!! I really thought it was going to be weeks! He also said many patients don't even take pain killers once they are at home... but that all depends on pain tolerance. He was pretty funny about this one... I wish I could remember the wise crack he made about narcotics... it was pretty funny though - even my mom laughed!

When can I expect to come home from the hospital? As long as things go smoothly - I will be discharged on Wednesday - Thursday at the latest unless MAJOR complications. So all you visitors - Tuesday is the day!! lol! (between 1 and 9 PM are the visiting hours!)

When can I hold my nephew again? 6 weeks after surgery. Nothing over 5 pounds until 6 weeks.

What about my gall bladder? Coast is clear here! My gall bladder scan was perfect! YAY!

What about pain? He said it's not too bad... it varies for each person. Some people have a lot, some do not. He asked what my pain was like with my past two laproscopies for Endometriosis have been like - which I never too pain killers for - so he doesn't expect me to have much then... it's only 2 more incisions than what I've had before. He's says it's more discomfort than pain... we shall see!

What about my family history of codeine allergy? Good to know! He marked it on my chart and says no Codeine for me!

Can I go to the NCCYM in December? YES!!! Another WHOO HOO!! He says I may need a nap during the day, and as long as I listen to my body he sees no reason why I couldn't go! Food might be a challenge.. but i will figure that one out!!

My mom asked what my limitations are when I come home? He said I will be very fatigued, but should be able to care for myself. I may need help in and out of bed for the first couple days as my abdominal muscles heal.

She also asked about my first 24 hours after surgery - should someone be with me? He said many patients have people with them all the time, but that's up to each individual patient and family. He did note that I will be sleeping a lot and very groggy until Tuesday AM.

I won't have a private room unless I pay for one (nope!). I will be having a lot of tests Monday afternoon and evening to make sure I don't have leakage or a blockage. They do a blue die test before they close me up (pump blue die into my stomach after wrapping it with a white cloth.) I also will have an upper GI before they start me on my shakes again.

I then had to sign my life away, go over all my risks again and then I was on my way... to my next appointment! I actually left a little less nervous. Dr. Lautz asked if I was nervous and before I answered he also reassured me that he would worry if I was not... he said being nervous and anxious and worrying are all normal and good! That did make me feel better!

Next we headed to the Weiner Center for my pre-operative evaluation. After waiting 105 min, I was finally called in. I met with the anesthesiologist first - she was VERY young and definitely new. She did a complete history with me, checked vital signs and talk about the anesthesia. Told me things I don't like to hear - like they will sedate me, put a tube down my throat so they can breathe for me while I am under and then wake me up, pull the tube out and move me off the table and bring me to recovery. While I know all this happens - I just hate the thought of tubes down my throat and machines breathing for me.... as you may know - I like to be in control! Next was the Nurse Practitioner - who really did the same thing as the anesthesiologist, just also took my oxygen % and my temperature. Then I had blood work - LOTS of blood work. I had 6 or 7 tubes of blood taken... the BIG ones too - not those small little tubes. I then had to pee in not 1, but 2 containers.... and they don't make it easy either. There was no place to put the little pee cups and I had a specific line to pee to in each cup. Talk about difficult. This is when I began to think being a guy would be much easier right now! I had to stop my pee to check my pee line, pee just a little more, stop again to put the cover on this cup grab the next cup take that cover off pee in that cup to just the line (now please can someone tell me how a GIRL is supposed to know when she's peed to the line or not while still peeing???) It was quite comical if I do say so myself!! lol! (many of you are probably thinking TMI Kate - sorry!) After this I was free to go!! We waited 20 min for the valet to bring the car around and off we were into boston rush hour traffic on an evening with a red sox game!! All in all, it was a better day than I anticipated. It helped me feel a little more at ease... I am sure I will still be super nervous come this time next week... but it comforted me enough that I actually didn't think about it at all from the time arrive backed to work at 5:30 tonight and just now when writing this! That's an accomplishment!!

On the food front.... it gets a little easier each day. Actually as of right now, I still haven't gotten my meal in yet and I still have one more protein shake left! I guess I won't be going to bed hungry tonight! My only complaint is I have to pee A LOT! All this drinking - and I swear protein shakes make you have to pee more than water!! I can't really go more than 45 min! I even had to stop on the way down to LIFT on Tuesday night - I was going to explode! Thankfully my teens thought it was funny! I've got one hard day coming up on Sunday. I've got Confirmation dinner at the Rectory after Mass (which I am only stopping in at and not eating), and 2 parties to stop by at - one at a Chinese restaurant (that will the most difficult - I LOVE Chinese - and could go for a large bowl of fried rice right about now!) and the other my favorite house to go over to.... but they are only having goodies and cake... I'll grab a cup of decaf tea and eat my salad there!! lol! Luckily all the goodies will be gluten filled so I wouldn't be able to eat them anyways!!

Thank you everyone for your prayers! They mean a lot! Know I am saying prayers of thanksgiving for you all! Until my next post....

Are there such things as petty questions?

Tomorrow I spend the day at Brigham and Women's. I have an 11 AM appointment with Dr. Lautz (my surgeon) and a 1 PM appointment with the anesthesiologist, admitting nurse and lab work. My past experiences with Dr. Lautz's office is he is usually about 45 min behind schedule (which actually I am ok with because he does not rush you during appointments at all and will sit with you until all questions are answered.) Not sure about this other appointment - but I am just planning on the majority of my day will be spent at the hospital. I have spent most of yesterday and today thinking and writing down all my questions. I am sure I am missing many more! When looking at my list I think how petty some of these questions are, but I really don't know the answers to them. I want to know if I can receive the Eucharist for the next two weekends, and then what about after surgery? When can I drive? When can I hold my nephew again? What are you doing with my gall-bladder? What will my pain be like? How is my pain going to be controlled with my family history of codeine allergy? Can I go to the NCCYM in early December? One would think that my questions would be more specific about the surgery, about recovery and eating... but I know all that info and I have a handy dandy red folder that answers 99% of those questions... but it's all these little ones that actually really bother me that I don't know the answers too. No worries though - in a little over 12 hours hopefully all of these will be answered - i'll keep you posted!!

The 2 week countdown

Today began the 2 week countdown before my surgery. It also began the special "pre-operative Diet prescription." I really didn't think it was going to be that hard to follow... well I was very wrong as of today. This might be because I spent my last night with some of my favorite people celebrating a surprise 18th bday and then spent all day at the ALL TIME BEST COOK EVER's house. I did great until she started making homemade fried rice... yes I cheated - hey - it's day one!! lol!

Here's what my eating plan consists of for the next 12 days (36 hours before my surgery I go completely liquid only.):

My daily food goals are:
4 sugar free Carnation Instant Breakfasts mixed with 8 ounces of 1% milk
1 meal consisting of lean protein and vegetables
2 servings of fruit per day
64 + fluid ounces of calorie free, caffeine free fluids

Now I am also only allowed to eat certain things at certain times. Here's what Brigham and Women's recommends for a typical day:

7:00 - 7:30 AM - Breakfast - Carnation Instant Breakfast (CIB)
7:30 - 9:30 AM - Calorie Free Fluid
9:30 - 10:00 AM - Snack - Apple (or 1/2 banana, 1 cup fresh pineapple, 1/2 cup applesauce)
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
12:00 - 12:30 PM - Lunch CIB (or light yoplait yogurt mixed with 1 scoop of protein powder)
12:30 - 2:30 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
2:30 - 3:00 PM - Snack - Orange (or any of the above listed)
3:00 - 4:00 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
4:00 - 4:30 PM - CIB
4:30 - 6:00 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
6:00 - 6:30 PM - Dinner - Consisting of:

• 2 cups raw greens
• 1 tomato (or 1 cup chopped veggie mix including red & green bell peppers, cucumber, onion; or 1/2 cup chopped carrots; or 1/2 cup steamed broccoli, carrots, green beans)
• 4 ounces grilled chicken breast (or 4 ounces tuna, fish (only grilled, baked or broiled), turkey breast, or pork tenderloin, or 3 ounces of lean beef or ham)
• 2 teaspoons oil
• 1 tablespoon vinegar (or substitute 1 tablespoon regular salad dressing or 2 tables spoons light dressing in place of oil and vinegar)
• herbs, salt, pepper

6:30 - 8:30 PM - Calorie Free Fluid

8:30 - 9:00 PM - CIB

9:00 PM and on - calorie free fluid

Now my days are going to be focused on when and what to eat... not like I have enough to remember every day! Brigham's does this for many reasons, and it's mandatory. Apparently it results in decreasing the size of my liver and in the fat stores in my abdomen. These changes give my surgeon more room in my abdomen to complete my surgery.

On other fronts, today was the first day that it really, I mean REALLY hit me that I am so close to my surgery. I have known it's been looming... but I think because I am actually having to change something I am doing now, it makes it that much closer. Today was the first time I actually got that slightly sinking feeling in my stomach as the nerves began to set in. I am really realizing that I really need to spend more than 5 minutes to really think, pray and process what I am very quickly to be going through. I have been so busy at work getting things set up and crossing all of my "t's" and dotting all the "i's" and with Confirmation this coming weekend, I haven't really had a whole lot of time to really think about the surgery and all the stuff that goes with it. I think a little emotional roller coaster is ahead of me... don't get me wrong - I know that this is for the best - but one can't help but have second thoughts, get nervous, ya know - freak out a little?!! I have my final appointment with my surgeon on Thursday as well as final lab work and an appointment with the admitting nurses for a complete work up. I have to start making a list of all the questions that pop into my head each day cause I know my mind will blank out when I am actually in front of my surgeon! Thank goodness my Mom is coming with me! She'll have many questions I am sure - but will also be able to hear what I might not!

Reactions

It's always funny the WIDE variety of reactions one gets when you tell them interesting information about your life. I have to say I have had the most varied reactions when I have told people about my upcoming surgery. Don't get me wrong, most reactions have been very supportive... but here is a sampling of crazy reactions I have received:

when telling 2 good friends one night, I began with "well this fall I will be having some major surgery..." I got cut off and one friend cut in and said, "don't tell me you're having Gastric Bypass... a friend of mine had it done a few years ago and died!"

I've had many a "YIKES!" and "ooooo - you sure you wanna do that?" reactions.

"Wow! Really?? Isn't that surgery for people who are weak?"

"Be careful, many people die from that."

And my all time favorite....

When telling a co-worker.... her first reaction was "Oh that's great! wonderful!" then a couple minutes later came over to me and I quote, "oh Kate I am so excited for you, I was sitting over there thinking about what you just told me and WOW - you sure will find your knight in shining armour now - you know once you get all that figured out (as she points to my abdominal area). You know you have such a beautiful face - once everything else gets proportionate - you'll look great!"

How I came to this decision

Many people have asked how come I am having the surgery. Well, there are many answers and reasons to this. For the last couple of years my Primary Care Doctor has mentioned it as an option. Weight has always been a struggle - for as long as I can remember. I spent much of my childhood on diets, seeing nutritionists, metabolic testing, you name - i've done it. After finding out that metabolically I am "normal" and trying everything from eating more, to eating less, to no carbs, to no sugar, to weight watchers, to LA Weightloss... no doctor could explain why I struggled with losing weight - i couldn't seem to lose more than 70 pounds ever. Whenever gastric bypass was brought up - i always said - I am too young, never doing that - surgery means I am weak. But then I got to experience someone going through the process pretty upclose and personal when my co-workers husband had it done 2 years ago. It was amazing! I also realized it doesn't mean I am weak - actually the opposite - one needs great strength and courage to go through this - as I am very much finding out right now.

In January, Tim (my co-workers husband) and I were talking and I mentioned that i was curious about it and that it had been on my mind a lot. So one cold Tuesday night, Tim and I drove into Boston to go to an information session at Brigham and Women's Hospital. I didn't tell anyone except Tim (and his wife) that I was going. I left there feeling 2 very different emotions - excitement and discouraged. I really felt like gastric bypass was something for me, but then I found out i have the health insurance which is hardest to be approved by. So I went home and prayed a lot about it and decided that it's will be at least a 6 month process before I were to be approved and decided that I would just begin the process and decide later. I had to enter into a 6 month program called "I can change" through Tufts Healthplan. Which really was a waste of my time. I got a call from a "health coach" every 3 weeks basically who just checked in. Sadly however I found out that if I lost anymore than 5 pounds - Tufts wouldn't approve me - I could gain as much weight as possible - but couldn't lose more than 5 pounds. Silly I tell ya! Anyways, I made it through those 6 months - luckily my health coach, Sarah was very sweet and I actually did enjoy talking to her. Sarah told me at my last call that Tufts typically only approves 1 out of every 75 people for gastric bypass - so I really didn't have my hopes up. Sarah put my paperwork in and within 10 days I got notified that I was approved for surgery and could continue forward with my surgeon. I called my surgeons office and they set me up with the pre-evaluations - psych, nutrition, surgeon - and off I went. After I passed the psych testing (yes I was deemed sane!!) I was given a surgery date - October 27th at 11:00 AM. That's when the nerves set in. Since then I have had a few more appointments - many with the dietitian to talk about the pre and post diet and here we are 17 days until surgery! I am nervous, excited, anxious, and a few more emotions that come up every now and then. Every day is different - I have good days and bad days when it comes to thinking about what I am about to undergo... but in the end - I am really excited about what's to come!