The Surgery

Well it's been 4 days since surgery and I am home from the hospital. I actually got home around 7PM on Wednesday night. Everything went very well, says the doctors. I however am in some pain and taking it very easy and slow at home. These past few days have been interesting to say the least!



Monday morning came, and I woke up at 6:30 AM to be able to take a shower, since I wouldn't be able to until I got home. I also had to shower with this antibacterial scrub they gave me at my pre-op evaluation. My Mom, Dad and I left the house just before 7:30 AM to get into Brigham's by 9:00 AM. Traffic was bad and we arrived just at the clock turned to 9:00 AM. After we valeted the car, we went into the Hospital and went to the admitting office. There I waited to be called in by an admitting nurse, tagged all my luggage, got my hospital wrist band and handed over my health care proxy and living will. We then waited for the "real nurse" to come get us to bring us to pre-op. Once she finally came we walked down into the bowels of the hospital and checked in at pre-op. There I met my surgical team, first the Fellow, Dr. Fitzgerald who would be assisting Dr. Lautz - she was wicked sweet. Then my anesthesiologist, he checked out my veins and tried to start and IV. My arms were cold and I was dehydrated, so he wrapped my arms with hot wet towels and then in warm blankets for about 10 min. During that time, my surgeon came in as well as my 2 operation room nurses. The anesthesiologist came back, found a good vein in my right arm on the bottom and began an IV. He hooked me up to sugar water, and a pepcid drip for my heartburn. About 20 min later I was being wheeled into the operating room. I was wide awake for this! I moved onto the table, and they placed the leg pumps on my legs (these are to keep the blood flowing while I lay on the table.) They also gave me a shot of Heprin to thin my blood. Then off to sleep I went. I woke up in the operating room at the end of surgery - I remember the tube coming out - but I was so drugged up it didn't really bother me! Recovery was rough - at one point my heart rate was 27 - not so good. I had a drainage tube coming out of my nose - didn't know this prior to surgery. This remained there until Tuesday AM. I also had my catheter. Mom and Dad got to see me in recovery for a little bit. I was in post op recovery for about 4.5 hours. I got moved to my room around 7PM. There mom and dad hung out with me until about 11 PM. I had a pain med drip where I could press a button to give my self pain meds - that was WONDERFUL! I had some kind of an allergic reaction to the tape they put over my eyes while in surgery so I had to see a doctor and get special drops in my eyes Monday night. They wake you up like every 2 hours for vital signs. I was also pretty nauseous - but they have great drugs for that too!



Tuesday AM I was brought down for an Upper GI around 8:00 AM. Everything looked great here - and they got to take my NGT Tube out of my nose - that was unpleasant. Once back in my room I got to also get my catheter removed as well. Then it was on to drinking clear liquids. They gave me a 1 ounce medicine cup to drink out of. Their goal for me was 2 oz an hour... doesn't sound like a lot - but boy was that hard! If I swallowed any more than 1/2 an ounce - it hurt. Around 11 AM, Kathleen came in to spend the day with me. Mom had meetings and Dad had jury duty - so Kathleen too the day shift! I felt bad because I was very out of it and groggy most of the day. Around noon, Jim and Paula came in - again felt bad - as i kept falling asleep during conversations! But it was great to see them! I had a little quieter afternoon. Mom and Dad arrived around 3:30 and Dave Cronin came in shortly there after. Around 4 ish Kathleen and Dave left and around 7 ish Kristina came in. In between there the nurses had me up and walking around trying to get things moving. They have to pump up your abdomen with lots of air so there's lots of gas pressure in my stomach. My brother, sister-in-law and nephew came in around 7:30 and stayed for a little bit. Everyone, including mom and dad left by 8:30 and I went to sleep for the night. I was very very tired. I again was woken up every couple hours or so, and the residents do their rounds at like 2:30 in the morning. I was again pretty nauseous in the middle of the night - I think it was from lying down and getting up too quickly! My overnight nurse was great and always really sweet!

Wednesday morning arrived along with a tray from food service with fat free milk, chicken broth, carnation instant breakfast packet, a bottle of water and Jello! The nurse came in and said that as long as I tolerate the protein shake well - I can go home around lunch! They took my off of my IV this morning too! I could barely swallow 2 oz of the protein shake - they are even thicker than just water. No chicken broth or jello for me! I tried some more water too a little while later - I just wasn't hungry or thirsty. Around 9 AM Dr. Lautz came in, checked out my incisions and listened to my belly sounds. And said I was good to go home as long as the nurses say so. So I called mom and she planned on coming in around 11 AM. Noon came and went, and I hadn't been cleared yet... the problem being I had really only taken in about 4 oz of liquid all morning and that wasn't enough to let me go home just yet. So they told me I had to drink a WHOLE bottle (16 oz) of water before they'd let me home. The problem with that - I can't drink more than 4 ounces an hour because I could stretch my stomach. So I didn't get cleared to go home until 5:30 PM. They gave me more pain meds for the ride home and my wheelchair arrived and off we went. The car ride home was BRUTAL - boston roads SUCK - too bumpy. I spent most of the car ride home moaning in excruciating pain. Mom brought me right home and sent Dad out with my 8 prescriptions to be filled to the pharmacy!

So far since being at home, I am definitely getting much more uninterrupted rest. I only wake up 1-2 times a night to go to the bathroom. I've finally been able to pass some of this gas... that's the worst of the pain. The pain meds are good, but only take the edge off and make me sleepy! I have gotten myself up to 4-5 oz of a protein shake an hour which is good! I am still not up to par on what I should be taking in for liquid a day (a minimum of 56 ounces - I am around 40 right now.) I have had to set alarms on my phone to remind me to "eat" a protein shake or drink water every hour. I am much more tired today because I haven't slept as much do to all of this scheduled eating! Kathleen came by with the kiddo's in the costumes today - Nolan - Speed Racer and Calleigh - a candy corn! We are off to Arlington tonight to visit the nephew and see him - he has two costumes so not sure if we'll see him as a Lion or as a shark! However I am not looking forward to the car ride - I am delaying taking my pain meds until about 30 minutes before we leave!

Thanks for the continued prayers and thoughts and support! I will continue to blog my recovery and the details soon! Right now I am going to head to take a quick 45 min nap and then shower before heading out! Happy Halloween!!

12 hours and counting....

W.O.W!!!! I have no words to fully describe what tonight has been like. Such a powerful blessing has been bestowed on me. A few weeks ago Fr. Paul and I were talking about the Anointing of the Sick and talking about my surgery. Originally I was going to go into Braintree to have lunch with Fr. Matt, go to the noon Mass and have Fr. Matt anoint me after. But I completely spaced about that and those plans fell through. So Fr. Paul said yes to anointing me when I asked him. It's kinda funny how everything works out - originally I was VERY against Fr. Paul doing this - he is also know as Fr. Death - as almost 100% of the people he anoints die. But Fr. Ventura was away this weekend - so it left me with no other choice - and honestly it couldn't have been any better. Fr. Paul offered if I would like it done during the 5:00 PM Mass. He also offered to have the teenagers involved in some way. I agreed, not really knowing exactly how this would play out. So tonight I head over for Mass around 4:30 to train a new Eucharistic Minister. The church got very full very quickly. After the homily and prayers of the faithful, Fr. Paul called me upfront for my anointing. He also at this time invited all the young people to come up and surround me. He explained what he was going to be doing. After the beginning prayer, he invited all of the teens and then also the congregation to extend their hands over me and pray with Fr. Paul. Fr. Paul anointed my head and my hands and said the prayer. WOW - it was more powerful than I every anticipated. Now I really have not been emotional at all about everything, well that was up until this point. When I saw the numbers of teenagers that had come to Mass and came forward when Fr. Paul invited them - i was very humbled. There were over a hundred teens there - many of whom specifically came for this. The tears streamed down my face during the anointing, and most of the rest of Mass.... even now just thinking about it. I couldn't have asked for a better way to leave and be sent on my way for surgery... with the love, prayers and support of my parish family - and all of my teens that I love so much.

I am getting finishing up all the last minute things at the office right now... I am leaving everything in very capable hands! I think I've thought of everything that could possibly come up - but I am sure there will be things I didn't think of!! My office is clean (miraculously!! lol!) My e-mail away message is on, my voicemail is changed... it's time to walk out the doors. Part of me thinks that if I just stay here - tomorrow morning won't come.... I am excited and scared to death all at the same time. But with all of the prayers and support that I know I have rooting for me - I am actually beginning to believe I will be fine.

Until I return home from the hospital.....

Are you ready?

How is one suppose to answer that question? By far the most asked question of me this week has been "Are you ready?" I'm not really sure how to answer that question. I could answer it as am I ready to take a leave from my job? Yes and No. I am ready to have a break and get to step back and take the birds eye view and watch the seeds that have been planted begin to grow. But no because I truly am going to miss everyone and everything. I am going to miss out on memories being made and inside jokes. The highlight of each week is seeing the teens at Masses on Sundays, stopping by my office or at an event. 6 - 8 weeks of none of that is a lot of time. I am really going to miss them. I am also very much not done doing everything that needs to get done around work before I leave. I swear, every one thing I cross off of my list, I find another 2 or 3 that need to be added. I was stressing out about all the College recommendations that need to be written - but I am saving those for my recovery time - I'll need lots of things to keep me busy with! The other way to take that question of am i ready is, "am I ready physically?" Well, I suppose yes. I have passed all the pre-surgery medical testing, been following my diet, losing weight, drinking loads of water, had my flu shot, getting sleep - so I would say yes my body is as ready as it ever will be for surgery. And if asking that question means "Am I ready emotionally?" hhmmm... that's a tough one to give a straight answer for. Some days yes, and others no - actually those answers can change hourly for me. I honestly haven't spent a whole lot of time with the emotional side of this all. I've got all the logistics covered, I know exactly what will happen when before, during and after surgery. I know all the medical lingo. But I have NO CLUE emotionally how to prepare for this. I am so happy to think about the future a lot.... cute new clothes, a new body, more energy, I can do things that I can't or struggle doing now that I love (like riding roller coasters or really most theme park rides, playing sports, flying on a plane comfortably, etc...) but I am sad to lose a lot of me... this body I have now... it's been through everything with me - good, bad, ups and downs, all of my memories - whether in my mind or in pictures - has this body. Really this body and a lot about me - has made me who I am. A lot of my "faith journey" has been because of the struggles in my life because of my weight. A new body - kinda scares me and excites me all at the same time. I guess it's kinda like grieving a lost friend. I've been able to hide as well as blame a lot of "me" behind this large body of mine. When it's gone - there's no place to hide, nothing to blame. I also know that just because I have a new, skinnier body - the hurt and emotional pain and struggles will still be there - they don't disappear with the body. So am I emotionally ready - heck no! But I don't think anyone who is about to lose a part of who defines them is ever emotionally ready. I know that this is a long journey I have just begun... not only a long journey of learning to eat a different way, and a journey of a new body - but also a journey of finding the "real true Kate" that's hidden underneath.

Confirmation and last pictures of "before Kate"

Confirmation Class
Presenting the Candidates

Fr. Coyle during the Homily

Connor

Sam

The weekend was crazy yet wonderful! We had my nephew all weekend, which was a blast! It was a lot of fun to hang out with him and play all weekend with him and Gram and Pa! Sunday was full of lots of joy! It was Confirmation at St. John's - by far a highlight of my 4 years there so far! Fr. Coyle, the new Episcopal Vicar of the Merrimack Valley, was the Celebrant - and he was GREAT! This years Confirmation class is just outstanding. 3/4 of them are involved in some way in the parish, whether a Liturgical Minister, a Peer Minister, or an active participant in Youth Ministry happenings. It was a bitter sweet day for me, I was so happy and excited for each of the 48 teens being Confirmed (very small class this year - and only 12 of them are girls - rest are boys!!) but I was also sad because I don't have set days and times that I am guaranteed to see each of them again. I know most will stay active and involved - which makes me happy too!

The diet is going well... not so hungry anymore... which is a good thing. I am however VERY tired of Salad... I was very excited for a hot cooked meal on Friday night and Saturday night at home. Dad made me chicken on Friday night with steamed broccoli and carrots, and on Saturday he made a pork loin roast with steamed broccoli and carrots! I LOVED them both - it was a great change from salad! Salad is just easier when I am at work - no cooking involved!

I have been occasionally have VERY red, itchy, hot cheeks over the last 10 days or so. That is how I typically react when I am having a mild allergy to something I have eaten. I was racking my brain trying to figure out what, of the little I am eating, is causing a reaction. The shakes are Gluten free, water - nope, banana's - nope, apples - nope, pineapples - nope, hhmmm - what could it be?? It dawned on me last night as I again had hot, itchy, red cheeks, that I had a strawberry protein shake in the afternoon.... and the dummy that I am - I have a Red Dye 40 allergy and well those shakes have red dye 40 in them! Mystery solved - but a bummer - cause the strawberry ones are quite tasty!! Oh well I will survive!

On other fronts, I had my yearly physical with my Primary Care Physician on Monday. I think she might be more excited than I am about the surgery. The other crazy thing is I lost another 7.3 pounds since last Thursday!!! Which is a total of 21 pounds since late August. Mind boggling... I really beginning to think the scales are off! I got my flu shot as well. Dr. Taylor said that in her experience her patients that have had Gastric Bypass usually have some complications that has them in and out of the hospital a couple times after surgery (what?? Dr. Lautz didn't say anything like that??!!! - I am praying she is wrong!) I am looking forward to my cholesterol levels dropping, my thyroid regulating, and seeing the numbers dropping!

I did wake up on Monday morning and realized I could go back to sleep for another hour or so before I had to get up for work! As I was laying in bed trying to go back to sleep it dawned on me that exactly a week from this time I would be in the hospital already getting ready for the surgery.... then the nerves REALLY set in. Once I did fall asleep - I had some of the most wacked out dreams I've had in a long time! Dreams of waking up during surgery, the doctor leaving surgical instruments in my stomach, having a creepy room-mate post surgery... really all of my worst nightmares coming true! The funny and wacky part of it all was that the people in my dreams were friends... Jamie Cappetta (a youth ministry friend) - my surgeon; Brian Reinhart (my CHWC Camp Director) was the creepy room-mate - who I might add had a bar tongue ring horizontally across the tip of his tongue!, Margo (youth ministry friend) was a nurse in the OR, some of my teens from St. John's where walking in the hallways as nurses and doctors... really it was just creepy! lol! I hope that this is just a reassurance that everything is NOT going to go like I dream - since really - dreams don't really come true too often!!

Answers and updates

After spending over 5 hours at the hospital today, I have been poked, prodded, and cleared for surgery! My first appointment was with Dr. Lautz, have I said how much I love him??!! He was only 30 min behind schedule today - that was a bonus! Mom was slightly irritable this morning - as she wasn't getting work done today cause she was with me... but that's a whole other issue! lol! I began my appointment with uplifting news! Since my last appointment with Dr. Lautz in late August, I've lost 13.7 pounds - without even trying!! How about that?! Probably most of it has come off since Monday since I am eating only 900 calories a day! lol! It was a cool thought to think that I'll be losing big numbers like that every time I come in for appointments now! Dr. Lautz came in and greeted us and introduced himself to my mom. He saw my list of questions and made a little joke about it then told me to shoot away at them! So all you who have been waiting for answers here they are:

Can I receive Eucharist before and after surgery? Yes to before, no until 3 weeks after surgery. Slightly a bummer - but Jesus will understand!

When can I drive? As soon as I am off of narcotics! Whoo hoo!! I really thought it was going to be weeks! He also said many patients don't even take pain killers once they are at home... but that all depends on pain tolerance. He was pretty funny about this one... I wish I could remember the wise crack he made about narcotics... it was pretty funny though - even my mom laughed!

When can I expect to come home from the hospital? As long as things go smoothly - I will be discharged on Wednesday - Thursday at the latest unless MAJOR complications. So all you visitors - Tuesday is the day!! lol! (between 1 and 9 PM are the visiting hours!)

When can I hold my nephew again? 6 weeks after surgery. Nothing over 5 pounds until 6 weeks.

What about my gall bladder? Coast is clear here! My gall bladder scan was perfect! YAY!

What about pain? He said it's not too bad... it varies for each person. Some people have a lot, some do not. He asked what my pain was like with my past two laproscopies for Endometriosis have been like - which I never too pain killers for - so he doesn't expect me to have much then... it's only 2 more incisions than what I've had before. He's says it's more discomfort than pain... we shall see!

What about my family history of codeine allergy? Good to know! He marked it on my chart and says no Codeine for me!

Can I go to the NCCYM in December? YES!!! Another WHOO HOO!! He says I may need a nap during the day, and as long as I listen to my body he sees no reason why I couldn't go! Food might be a challenge.. but i will figure that one out!!

My mom asked what my limitations are when I come home? He said I will be very fatigued, but should be able to care for myself. I may need help in and out of bed for the first couple days as my abdominal muscles heal.

She also asked about my first 24 hours after surgery - should someone be with me? He said many patients have people with them all the time, but that's up to each individual patient and family. He did note that I will be sleeping a lot and very groggy until Tuesday AM.

I won't have a private room unless I pay for one (nope!). I will be having a lot of tests Monday afternoon and evening to make sure I don't have leakage or a blockage. They do a blue die test before they close me up (pump blue die into my stomach after wrapping it with a white cloth.) I also will have an upper GI before they start me on my shakes again.

I then had to sign my life away, go over all my risks again and then I was on my way... to my next appointment! I actually left a little less nervous. Dr. Lautz asked if I was nervous and before I answered he also reassured me that he would worry if I was not... he said being nervous and anxious and worrying are all normal and good! That did make me feel better!

Next we headed to the Weiner Center for my pre-operative evaluation. After waiting 105 min, I was finally called in. I met with the anesthesiologist first - she was VERY young and definitely new. She did a complete history with me, checked vital signs and talk about the anesthesia. Told me things I don't like to hear - like they will sedate me, put a tube down my throat so they can breathe for me while I am under and then wake me up, pull the tube out and move me off the table and bring me to recovery. While I know all this happens - I just hate the thought of tubes down my throat and machines breathing for me.... as you may know - I like to be in control! Next was the Nurse Practitioner - who really did the same thing as the anesthesiologist, just also took my oxygen % and my temperature. Then I had blood work - LOTS of blood work. I had 6 or 7 tubes of blood taken... the BIG ones too - not those small little tubes. I then had to pee in not 1, but 2 containers.... and they don't make it easy either. There was no place to put the little pee cups and I had a specific line to pee to in each cup. Talk about difficult. This is when I began to think being a guy would be much easier right now! I had to stop my pee to check my pee line, pee just a little more, stop again to put the cover on this cup grab the next cup take that cover off pee in that cup to just the line (now please can someone tell me how a GIRL is supposed to know when she's peed to the line or not while still peeing???) It was quite comical if I do say so myself!! lol! (many of you are probably thinking TMI Kate - sorry!) After this I was free to go!! We waited 20 min for the valet to bring the car around and off we were into boston rush hour traffic on an evening with a red sox game!! All in all, it was a better day than I anticipated. It helped me feel a little more at ease... I am sure I will still be super nervous come this time next week... but it comforted me enough that I actually didn't think about it at all from the time arrive backed to work at 5:30 tonight and just now when writing this! That's an accomplishment!!

On the food front.... it gets a little easier each day. Actually as of right now, I still haven't gotten my meal in yet and I still have one more protein shake left! I guess I won't be going to bed hungry tonight! My only complaint is I have to pee A LOT! All this drinking - and I swear protein shakes make you have to pee more than water!! I can't really go more than 45 min! I even had to stop on the way down to LIFT on Tuesday night - I was going to explode! Thankfully my teens thought it was funny! I've got one hard day coming up on Sunday. I've got Confirmation dinner at the Rectory after Mass (which I am only stopping in at and not eating), and 2 parties to stop by at - one at a Chinese restaurant (that will the most difficult - I LOVE Chinese - and could go for a large bowl of fried rice right about now!) and the other my favorite house to go over to.... but they are only having goodies and cake... I'll grab a cup of decaf tea and eat my salad there!! lol! Luckily all the goodies will be gluten filled so I wouldn't be able to eat them anyways!!

Thank you everyone for your prayers! They mean a lot! Know I am saying prayers of thanksgiving for you all! Until my next post....

Are there such things as petty questions?

Tomorrow I spend the day at Brigham and Women's. I have an 11 AM appointment with Dr. Lautz (my surgeon) and a 1 PM appointment with the anesthesiologist, admitting nurse and lab work. My past experiences with Dr. Lautz's office is he is usually about 45 min behind schedule (which actually I am ok with because he does not rush you during appointments at all and will sit with you until all questions are answered.) Not sure about this other appointment - but I am just planning on the majority of my day will be spent at the hospital. I have spent most of yesterday and today thinking and writing down all my questions. I am sure I am missing many more! When looking at my list I think how petty some of these questions are, but I really don't know the answers to them. I want to know if I can receive the Eucharist for the next two weekends, and then what about after surgery? When can I drive? When can I hold my nephew again? What are you doing with my gall-bladder? What will my pain be like? How is my pain going to be controlled with my family history of codeine allergy? Can I go to the NCCYM in early December? One would think that my questions would be more specific about the surgery, about recovery and eating... but I know all that info and I have a handy dandy red folder that answers 99% of those questions... but it's all these little ones that actually really bother me that I don't know the answers too. No worries though - in a little over 12 hours hopefully all of these will be answered - i'll keep you posted!!

The 2 week countdown

Today began the 2 week countdown before my surgery. It also began the special "pre-operative Diet prescription." I really didn't think it was going to be that hard to follow... well I was very wrong as of today. This might be because I spent my last night with some of my favorite people celebrating a surprise 18th bday and then spent all day at the ALL TIME BEST COOK EVER's house. I did great until she started making homemade fried rice... yes I cheated - hey - it's day one!! lol!

Here's what my eating plan consists of for the next 12 days (36 hours before my surgery I go completely liquid only.):

My daily food goals are:
4 sugar free Carnation Instant Breakfasts mixed with 8 ounces of 1% milk
1 meal consisting of lean protein and vegetables
2 servings of fruit per day
64 + fluid ounces of calorie free, caffeine free fluids

Now I am also only allowed to eat certain things at certain times. Here's what Brigham and Women's recommends for a typical day:

7:00 - 7:30 AM - Breakfast - Carnation Instant Breakfast (CIB)
7:30 - 9:30 AM - Calorie Free Fluid
9:30 - 10:00 AM - Snack - Apple (or 1/2 banana, 1 cup fresh pineapple, 1/2 cup applesauce)
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
12:00 - 12:30 PM - Lunch CIB (or light yoplait yogurt mixed with 1 scoop of protein powder)
12:30 - 2:30 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
2:30 - 3:00 PM - Snack - Orange (or any of the above listed)
3:00 - 4:00 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
4:00 - 4:30 PM - CIB
4:30 - 6:00 PM - Calorie Free Fluid
6:00 - 6:30 PM - Dinner - Consisting of:

• 2 cups raw greens
• 1 tomato (or 1 cup chopped veggie mix including red & green bell peppers, cucumber, onion; or 1/2 cup chopped carrots; or 1/2 cup steamed broccoli, carrots, green beans)
• 4 ounces grilled chicken breast (or 4 ounces tuna, fish (only grilled, baked or broiled), turkey breast, or pork tenderloin, or 3 ounces of lean beef or ham)
• 2 teaspoons oil
• 1 tablespoon vinegar (or substitute 1 tablespoon regular salad dressing or 2 tables spoons light dressing in place of oil and vinegar)
• herbs, salt, pepper

6:30 - 8:30 PM - Calorie Free Fluid

8:30 - 9:00 PM - CIB

9:00 PM and on - calorie free fluid

Now my days are going to be focused on when and what to eat... not like I have enough to remember every day! Brigham's does this for many reasons, and it's mandatory. Apparently it results in decreasing the size of my liver and in the fat stores in my abdomen. These changes give my surgeon more room in my abdomen to complete my surgery.

On other fronts, today was the first day that it really, I mean REALLY hit me that I am so close to my surgery. I have known it's been looming... but I think because I am actually having to change something I am doing now, it makes it that much closer. Today was the first time I actually got that slightly sinking feeling in my stomach as the nerves began to set in. I am really realizing that I really need to spend more than 5 minutes to really think, pray and process what I am very quickly to be going through. I have been so busy at work getting things set up and crossing all of my "t's" and dotting all the "i's" and with Confirmation this coming weekend, I haven't really had a whole lot of time to really think about the surgery and all the stuff that goes with it. I think a little emotional roller coaster is ahead of me... don't get me wrong - I know that this is for the best - but one can't help but have second thoughts, get nervous, ya know - freak out a little?!! I have my final appointment with my surgeon on Thursday as well as final lab work and an appointment with the admitting nurses for a complete work up. I have to start making a list of all the questions that pop into my head each day cause I know my mind will blank out when I am actually in front of my surgeon! Thank goodness my Mom is coming with me! She'll have many questions I am sure - but will also be able to hear what I might not!

Reactions

It's always funny the WIDE variety of reactions one gets when you tell them interesting information about your life. I have to say I have had the most varied reactions when I have told people about my upcoming surgery. Don't get me wrong, most reactions have been very supportive... but here is a sampling of crazy reactions I have received:

when telling 2 good friends one night, I began with "well this fall I will be having some major surgery..." I got cut off and one friend cut in and said, "don't tell me you're having Gastric Bypass... a friend of mine had it done a few years ago and died!"

I've had many a "YIKES!" and "ooooo - you sure you wanna do that?" reactions.

"Wow! Really?? Isn't that surgery for people who are weak?"

"Be careful, many people die from that."

And my all time favorite....

When telling a co-worker.... her first reaction was "Oh that's great! wonderful!" then a couple minutes later came over to me and I quote, "oh Kate I am so excited for you, I was sitting over there thinking about what you just told me and WOW - you sure will find your knight in shining armour now - you know once you get all that figured out (as she points to my abdominal area). You know you have such a beautiful face - once everything else gets proportionate - you'll look great!"

How I came to this decision

Many people have asked how come I am having the surgery. Well, there are many answers and reasons to this. For the last couple of years my Primary Care Doctor has mentioned it as an option. Weight has always been a struggle - for as long as I can remember. I spent much of my childhood on diets, seeing nutritionists, metabolic testing, you name - i've done it. After finding out that metabolically I am "normal" and trying everything from eating more, to eating less, to no carbs, to no sugar, to weight watchers, to LA Weightloss... no doctor could explain why I struggled with losing weight - i couldn't seem to lose more than 70 pounds ever. Whenever gastric bypass was brought up - i always said - I am too young, never doing that - surgery means I am weak. But then I got to experience someone going through the process pretty upclose and personal when my co-workers husband had it done 2 years ago. It was amazing! I also realized it doesn't mean I am weak - actually the opposite - one needs great strength and courage to go through this - as I am very much finding out right now.

In January, Tim (my co-workers husband) and I were talking and I mentioned that i was curious about it and that it had been on my mind a lot. So one cold Tuesday night, Tim and I drove into Boston to go to an information session at Brigham and Women's Hospital. I didn't tell anyone except Tim (and his wife) that I was going. I left there feeling 2 very different emotions - excitement and discouraged. I really felt like gastric bypass was something for me, but then I found out i have the health insurance which is hardest to be approved by. So I went home and prayed a lot about it and decided that it's will be at least a 6 month process before I were to be approved and decided that I would just begin the process and decide later. I had to enter into a 6 month program called "I can change" through Tufts Healthplan. Which really was a waste of my time. I got a call from a "health coach" every 3 weeks basically who just checked in. Sadly however I found out that if I lost anymore than 5 pounds - Tufts wouldn't approve me - I could gain as much weight as possible - but couldn't lose more than 5 pounds. Silly I tell ya! Anyways, I made it through those 6 months - luckily my health coach, Sarah was very sweet and I actually did enjoy talking to her. Sarah told me at my last call that Tufts typically only approves 1 out of every 75 people for gastric bypass - so I really didn't have my hopes up. Sarah put my paperwork in and within 10 days I got notified that I was approved for surgery and could continue forward with my surgeon. I called my surgeons office and they set me up with the pre-evaluations - psych, nutrition, surgeon - and off I went. After I passed the psych testing (yes I was deemed sane!!) I was given a surgery date - October 27th at 11:00 AM. That's when the nerves set in. Since then I have had a few more appointments - many with the dietitian to talk about the pre and post diet and here we are 17 days until surgery! I am nervous, excited, anxious, and a few more emotions that come up every now and then. Every day is different - I have good days and bad days when it comes to thinking about what I am about to undergo... but in the end - I am really excited about what's to come!